Long time, no talk.

At the NICU picnic.

Yes, it has been a while. I’m sorry. I’m doing the best I can, really. I’ve wanted to write. I’ve started roughly five different posts over the past few months and simply haven’t published them. None of them sounded like me, or the version of me I felt comfortable sharing.

There was the whiny one where I lamented how tired I am. Seriously, you’ve all heard this before. No need to beat a dead horse. I don’t get as much sleep as I’d like, but I get enough to survive. See? Still kicking.

There was the angry one where I grumbled about the help I’m not getting. Of course, I knew what I was getting into when I married Sam. I knew he’d always mean well, be incredibly needy, think he does more than he actually does, and would be wonderfully, wildly inconsistent. I’m still here. So is he.

There was one where I just gushed joyously and oozed happiness. It might have been okay, but then, as often happens, life nailed me and I was back to reality where I’m more content and comfortable than sappy.

She’s worn out too. 🙂

So here I am. The real me. The one who is gloriously grounded in reality. It’s a good thing because if nothing else, my life is real.

As I write, Kenna is napping. (Hallelujah!) Sam is running errands. Keenan left for work. And I’m done answering questions for the moment. Maybe.

This is the last week of school. Kenna survived. Barely. She still cries every day when I drop her off and breaks my heart. We both recover quickly and I work my tail off in her absence while she learns and plays and grows. Those three days a week have been better than I imagined and more needed than I could have guessed. Still, I’ll treasure our summer, aside from the potty training, and look forward to five days a week of heartbreak in the fall.

There have been so many changes since January, I can scarecely remember what life was like before. January was when I started Love Kissed Book Bargains, which has grown exponentially in every way imaginable. By February, I had branched out and started offering promotions. Just one at first, then two, and now I’m up to four or more promotions a month. Finally, by helping others achieve their goals, I’m achieving mine. (Or I’m much closer than I was before.) I’m still writing, but not as much. Maybe I can change this over the summer. Fingers crossed.

Physical therapy.

Kenna has four therapy sessions outside of school three days a week. So we make the long hike uptown. Mondays half a day is spent between the drive, physical therapy, and occupational therapy. It’s exhausting for both of us, but so worthwhile. You can’t imagine the changes I’ve seen in her since she started. I’m so stinking proud of her. She’s talking more. She’s getting stronger, moving better, and developing her fine motor skills.

As the school year ends, she can count to twenty, count backwards from ten, recognize and label those numbers, shapes, and colors. She can even spell her name. It’s really cute. We’ll chalk all of this up to progress.

Her teacher is confident in her abilities and though we still have her in a special needs classroom for her last year of preschool, she’ll be mainstreamed part of the day. We’re going to push her in the areas of greatest need: socialization. With her sensory issues, kids can easily overwhelm her. Kenna sometimes covers her ears and announces, “Ow! Loud!” Other times, I watch her shrink in her shell like a turtle, simply shutdown because it’s too much. At the same time, she has come so far.

It’s the little things, like now hugging her nephew. It’s the big things, like assembling three word phrases. It’s everything, like the daily joy of watching her develop and grow.

So, forgive me if I don’t post often. I’m so very busy living. We’re beyond survival mode and are well on our way to thriving. There are still occasional road blocks, and stumbling blocks, even a few wooden blocks, but mostly we face our challenges as we always have, loving each other through it. I’ll try to be better with sharing it. No doubt I’ll be reaching out during the next leg of our journey: potty training. (Hold me.) We’ll be starting on Friday. There will be pull ups, and potty chairs, and wine. (Hey, I’m human.)

Happy summer! Go be awesome.

 

 

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Wife, mother, blogger, author, foodie, reader, traveler, and friend.

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